and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize