i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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