I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
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The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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