My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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