Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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