Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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