Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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