Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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