and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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