The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize