i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
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