in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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