I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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