brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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