they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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