I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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