Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize