So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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