Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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