My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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