Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize