Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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