First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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