I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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