my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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