either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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