Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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