I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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