we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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