Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
pop tarts are not kleenex
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize