is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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