I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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