I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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