he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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