do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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