So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
FUCK WHALES
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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