Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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