I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize