if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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