I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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