He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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