whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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