I wish my penis had an off switch
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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