Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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