I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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