my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize