I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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