Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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