The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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