I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize